Thursday, March 30, 2006


Today I am feeling bad. Too bad! coz from last night a thought inside me killing me- that is " i am a BAD man "

Oh u guyz do u know how does it feel when ur conscious, sub-conscious everymind tells u repeatedly that u r a BAD MAN ! I am feeling that pangs of agony !!

My uncle is seriously ill; doctor gave a test for lung-cancer. Since then I was thinking bad, I was thinking that 'he got cancer for sure, what will happen next?' 'what would be the treatment ?' 'what would be my purpose ?' 'what can i do to him?' blah blah .. but I never thought once in my mind that 'na' he wont have cancer .. anyway the test result is NIL. He got no cancer; but BAD me thought ill of him having cancer.. !

Tonight I was doing the task of my job. But I cant finish it; lots of errors are arising; lots.. Now the BAD me turned on- now I was thinking "why my office building dont crash tonight ! Then at morning I will see the building crashed! I dont have to submit the task But 'what would i do then?' 'what would I do if i see my colleagues and office stuffs are injured ?' 'would I enjoy helping them or would I feel better than that when I would fail to submitmy assignment?' BAD in me supporting me to the first option. uff .. :(

I never get call for interview. After all 6 months of graduation I only got call from 3 places- 1 i am working at; other one rejected me.. and the last one is pending- didn`t decide yet whether i will join or not. My parents everyday ask me why dont I get any good opportunity? If others get then why dont I ? Then BAD in me arise- hit my head with a hammer and it tells me loudly u r BAD. U did so BAD things, u think ILL - u will never be in good position :(

I cant locate what BAD i did in my life :( But the feelings is killing me day by day .. its driving me mad- I feel BAD very BAD.

My title picture shows the good in me! yeah I sometimes dreams of the man in picture ! When I enjoy the picture then the BAD in me again jump out -tells me over and over " U did bad to someone, U couldn`t .. U couldn`t .. u cant think of urself in this position.. U r not suitable for this.. U r BAD "

There is none in my home today.. and Uff. these random thoughts were killing me ! then the plan was that- I will write down .. now the result is- I bored u guys, and thats making me feel more BAd. ahh


No one knows what it's like, to be the BAD man,
To be the sad man, behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like to be hated,
To be fated, to telling only lies

But my dreams, they aren't as empty,
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance that's never free

No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings
Like I do, and I blame you
No one bites back as hard on their anger
None of my pain and woe, can show through

When my fist clenches crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

And if I swallow anything evil
Stick your finger down my throat
If I shiver please give me a blanket
Keep me warm let me wear your coat


At 9:19 AM, Anonymous abedin said...

well dipu..these random thoughts come into our minds as well..mostly when we r alone..the best thing in this time is perhaps taking a break..frm work, frm duty..doing whtever our mind wanna do..n then again get back to schedule..hope u hav already got rid of this bad patch..

At 9:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 9:39 AM, Blogger aragorn said...

dipu... the poem is nice... anyway i dont blame u for the evil thoughts... coz i read somewhere that - every man has evil inside him... he is good who can keep that evil inside and normal ppl let it out... so as far as i knw u, u knw how to keep them inside and burn them... dont worry its part of life... im telling this coz i knw how u feel, as i feel so... hope we get the best chance which we deserve... and i knw we deserve the best...:P

At 11:47 AM, Blogger Mohamed said...

I totally agree with u dipu. u are one bad man. I think Micheal Jackson took his lyrics from u:
ou know I'm bad
I'm bad - you know it!
You know I'm bad
I'm bad - come on

And the whole world has to answer right now

Just to tell you once again who's bad!

The word is out
you're doin' wrong

Gonna lock you up before too long.
your lyin' eyes gonna tell you right

You are bad coz u alwayz help people.
You are bad coz u alwayz smile.
You are bad coz u are a genius.
You are bad coz u never let ur friends down.
You are bad coz u coz u are a genius.
You are bad coz u put ur friends before urself.

as i said, my friend, u are one bad man.....But don't u worry about it.
People spend their life dreaming about having a second of their lifetime near a bad man like u.

This is a video i've been watching lately about conscious....
It's interesting:

At 6:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

well...every 'normal' ppl things in da same u do..its just like the another side of da is gud n da othr 1 is we all r same...alteast i am...

At 11:16 PM, Blogger dipu_1&only said...

U all r right .. i at least needed this support guyz. But i cant locate the last anon. and the first one is bot no doubt [am thinking of handwriting test put in comments to avoid these bots]

anywayz abedin, tareq missed thursday beauty`s today .. :( feeling BAD again


At 11:18 PM, Blogger dipu_1&only said...

man ur comment was really nice and of course nice michael jackson song .. !

now i feel good to be BAD .. :D
hey hope see u regular in commenting..

At 7:43 PM, Blogger Rajputro said...

"Behind blue eyes" is always one of my favourites. :D

Btw cheers I am a bad man too.. I mean your syndromes matched with me :P

At 7:46 PM, Blogger Rajputro said...

After posting the comment i thought I didn't even think what you thought/wrote.
Did it make me worse?

At 10:16 PM, Blogger dipu_1&only said...

lolz @rajputro ..

na it doesn`t make u worse ..

yeah "Behind blue eyes" is ma favourite .. :D

At 10:16 PM, Blogger dipu_1&only said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 4:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

khik... interesting! seems like therez a race of being "bad man" here :P ... or should i say worst! ... well guess what! my dad says i am the most sadist person he's ever seen! but i can't be bad man, can i! so, i present myself as a Bad Person :P not even joking... i've thought about it b4.. and there are many events and persons pointing @ me saying that i am bad.. :(

At 11:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmm....coins....well....flip em....the value on both sides stays the probs...good or's all kewl...btw..i hav no idea wut i meant...bye SHEZAD

At 1:07 AM, Blogger Paddle said...

hahha bad man ...
how do these thoughts just come about?

At 12:10 AM, Blogger dipu_1&only said...

@shezad: khekz !


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